March 2005

Meeting Chai Shui Xiu

Patti & Rob McGhie of Burlington ON, travelled with their son, Matthew and daughter, Faith to Jiangxi province in March to adopt their second daughter Krista. But as Patti explains, they had a special experience.

On February 8, 2005, we were overcome with joy when we received the proposal for our second daughter, Tong Min Chu. We marveled at her chubby cheeks, beautiful little face and her very detailed and positive health and development report. However, we were also thrilled to learn that she was living in Jiangxi—the province from which our first daughter—Faith—had come. It meant we’d be returning to the provincial capital of Nanchang and that it was entirely possible we could set up a meeting with Faith’s foster mother, who had cared for her from the time Faith was one day old, until she was placed in our arms at the age of ten and half months. I’d been writing to our foster mother each year since Faith’s adoption and each year, I’d enclosed a photo album showing Faith’s development and family life over time. Shui Xiu had answered each letter promptly and had stated how much she wished she could see her “Jia Fang” again. She had also enclosed her home telephone number. With Yulin’s help, I knew that our foster mother’s wish just might come true.

Once we’d arrived in Nanchang and had received our precious daughter and settled in, Yulin called Shui Xiu and asked if she could meet Jia Fang and her adoptive family at the Jiangxi Hotel for lunch. Shui Xiu was overjoyed and readily agreed. She told Yulin that her son and daughter-in-law would drive her to the hotel and that they would meet us in the lobby at 12:00. We spent the next few days trying to prepare Faith for what was likely to be a very emotional meeting. Faith didn’t remember her foster mother, although I’d shown her pictures frequently, but she did know that the lady we were going to have lunch with had taken care of her and loved her for the first year of her life while she was in China, waiting for her forever mommy and daddy to pick her up and bring her home.

When the day and time arrived, our little family group got into the elevator and headed down to the lobby. When the doors opened, I recognized Chai Shui Xiu immediately. She looked very much the same as she had in the hallway of the Gloria Hotel three and a half years before, when she had wiped the tears from her eyes and put Faith in my arms. She recognized Faith immediately and called “Jia Fang, Jia Fang!” She lifted Faith up in her arms and covered her face with kisses. Faith was taken aback by the intensity of the greeting, especially since Shui Xiu’s son and daughter-in-law were every bit as excited as Shui Xiu, but as shy and reserved as she normally is, she did allow a few moments of affection, before she asked for daddy to take her.

We sat on the leather couches in the lobby. I introduced our son Matthew, my sister and my husband’s sister and her husband. Using our rudimentary Chinese, we also managed to state what the relationships were. We took lots of pictures and exchanged gifts—two beautiful, intricately carved, silver bracelets with small bells on them and two red-fringed amber glass balls for Faith and a silver heart-shaped locket for Shui Xiu. When Yulin came down, we were laughing over our new daughter’s babbling and our inability to decipher some of the gestures we were both using.

Yulin took us into the restaurant and helped us order. Faith sat next to her foster mother and I sat on the other side of Faith. We had a wonderful lunch and conversed with each other through Yulin. At one point, Yulin asked Faith if she had any questions for her foster mother. Faith replied, “Foster mother, did I cry a lot when I was a baby?” After Yulin translated, Shui Xiu laughed, greatly pleased I suspect by the “foster mother.” She said that no, Jia Fang was a very happy baby, who’d smiled most of the time. I asked her if Faith had been as stubborn and as bossy as a baby as she was now and she smiled again and said, “Oh yes. That was always her nature.” A mystery solved!

Shui Xiu told us she’d fostered nineteen babies over the years and that she was retiring in May. She would receive a monthly pension and would continue to live in her apartment with her son, who also worked for the orphanage as a gardener and driver; her daughter-in-law; and her five-year-old grandson. We congratulated her on her retirement and she very happily served both Faith and me from the dishes on the lazy Susan, while her son did the same for Rob— those long noodles can be so difficult!

At the end of our time together, we hugged each other, cried and promised to continue writing. It was an experience I had always hoped our family would have, but had never seriously thought would happen. When we wrote our letter of request to adopt another child from China, we hadn’t even asked that our next daughter come from Jiangxi. We’d decided that the CCAA had matched us so perfectly the first time that we didn’t want to interfere with the “magic.” Somehow though, Faith and Krista were destined to be sisters who would share geography of birth in addition to race and culture, and this very special match made it possible for the hopes and dreams of two families who live on opposite sides of the world to come true.

Jiangxi

Natalie and Jason Lanthier of Kapuskasing ON travelled in March to meet their daughter Meili. They listened in amusement as they were told that Meili and the other children were toilet trained. But these are 10, 11 and 12 months? All they had to do, it was explained, is signal their child with a soft whistle and the child would perform. Natalie tried it. This is her story.

Diaper companies have tried to suppress this story.

Our little one has been home for two weeks now and as we are settling into our routine, I can sit back and reflect on our adventure. And what an adventure of a lifetime it was!!!

Our daughter Meili is from the Tonggu County in the province of Jiangxi. After a two hour flight from Beijing, it was time to head out to the Adoption Centre to meet our daughter. As we were on the bus, Yulin was gracious enough to share some last minute pointers. Not only was it informative but it also calmed our nerves. Some of the Topics were the Mongolian spots, how to soothe our baby and potty training. (Many children who live with a foster family are potty trained at a very early age.) I had heard about this but I remained skeptical!!!

As the families met with their daughters for the first time, all the advice and pointers we had received throughout these long months, were set aside. We were all caught up in a moment that will never be erased from our minds. It was simply a magical, intense and powerful moment!!! Instantly, we became parents! What a rush!

After a bus ride back to the hotel (which I don’t remember at all...) it was time for a feeding and a diaper change. We noticed immediately that our daughter had split pants (which only meant that she was potty trained). Luckily, she was wearing a diaper! Phew!!! It could have been quite interesting on the bus!

In our room, we fed Meili, took off the five layers of clothing and bathed her... and no, we did not put her on the potty. She was sooooo tiny, we thought she would fall in the hole!

The next morning, Paul was pleased to announce to the group that his daughter Hanna had in fact done her thing on the toilet. All he had done was whistle the "Andy Griffith Show" tune and Hanna had responded! We were in awe!

Now meanwhile, back at the ranch, Meili had only left us a little round rabbit poop. So, my husband Jason took Paul’s advice and we squatted in front of the toilet, holding our little bundle of joy for dear life and whistled a happy tune. Did it work? Not at first! But as they say: "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!" And that’s what we did. A couple of days later, we were rejoicing! I never thought we’d be cheering so much every time Meili had a bowel movement. Ah.... what parenthood will do!

We did encounter some problems along the way: we couldn’t always find a toilet when we needed one. Also, Meili refuses to do number 2 in her diaper... hello constipation!!! And finally, I can’t whistle! But luckily, now that we are home, things are great. Meili has adjusted wonderfully to her new routine and her surrounding. I even think she understands that mom can’t whistle! Two good things about this potty training business... we are getting muscles from squatting in front of the toilet and no stinky diapers for us! :)

Meili, Jason and I wish to thank all of you for creating such wonderful memories. We already miss you!

Anhui

Last March, Mark & Kristen Ghesquiere took their  teenage children, Madeleine (12) and Michael (14) on their trip to meet Sophia.

Madi offered to write a trip report and presented it in her favourite literary format.

China Love

Oh, those magic, crazy days,
In that faraway country China.
13 babies, new parents, kids and grandparents,
Met as strangers, ended up family.

Far from home, close to love.
That crazy, happy moment; the babies!
Happy times, wild times, tired times,
But always love.

New food, new language, new people,
But always love.

We cried, we laughed, we stared in awe,
But always loved.

We loved as a family, new, old, and full.
We watched acrobats flip,
Houses swish by,
People hurry on,
But we saw too;

Perfect tiny faces,
Friendships built,
And changing lives
But we saw love.

Love for a child, a country, a friend.
We came, we saw, we loved.

Jade’s Very Special Visit to China

Jade Banman was adopted in June, 1996 (Jade is from FOI’s first adoption trip – you have seen her in previous newsletters displaying her passion for hockey). In March, Jade went back to China with her parents and her older brother to adopt her sister Lily. Jade’s parents decided to take the opportunity to visit Jade’s orphanage.

Jade prepared for her visit by involving her school, friends and family in a fund-raising for her orphanage in Jinhua. We asked Jade to share her story with us.

As some of you may have read I was going to get a little sister from China. As we were planning our trip I found out that I would be able to visit the orphanage in Jin Hua City. My hometown! I asked my mom if I could do a fundraiser for the children who were still living there. I went to the principal of my school and we talked about different fundraiser ideas. He thought a donut sale would work well. When the day finally arrived all the kids were excited. When the bell rang the kids all came pouring out of the classrooms. We sold 365 donuts in less then 5 minutes. We had raised $166. I also recycled bottles and friends and family gave me money. My final total was $360.

Auntie Yulin met us at the airport in Beijing. The next day we flew to Hangzhou and then we drove 2 hours to Jin Hua. When we arrived we went straight to the orphanage. The director and staff were waiting for us. They took us to a room where we had tea & fruit and he gave me a bag with fans & bookmarks. Then we went on the tour of the building. This was where I had spent the first year of my life. I couldn’t believe I was really there! It was nice to see the children. I brought suckers and pencils for the children. Later that evening they held a private dinner for us. Auntie Yulin told them about my fundraising and asked what they needed. They told her washing machines. I had raised enough money to buy two.. They were very happy! The next morning the director met us at the hotel and took us sightseeing. When we were done we went back to the orphanage. When the washing machines arrived two boys came out with a sign saying, that the donation of the washing machines was made by Jin Juan. That’s me! It was a wonderful day as we traveled back to Hangzhou I thought of how lucky I was to have that visit.

We spent the next 2 days sightseeing in Hangzhou where my mom and dad first met me. Then it was off to Heifi to meet my sister. The day had finally arrived. I thought she was very beautiful and a little crabby. It was nice to have her as part of our family.

When my mom and dad told me we were going to adopt a sister. I asked if I would have papers to sign too. They told me no. I asked if we could make a big sister contract. My mom asked what would a Big Sister Contract say? I told her it would be all about being a good big sister. So, with the help of Jamie, I designed the Big Sister Contract. I signed it in front of two witnesses promising to be a good big sister. So, far I have been doing a good job. Someday I would like to travel back to China with my sister Lily and show her our homeland. As we were landing I told Auntie Yulin my dream was to come back to China and now my dream had come true.

 Love Jade