September 2004

Hu Nan

Life is full of surprises. Every once in a while you find yourself doing something that you could never have imagined doing. Climbing the Great Wall of China with an exceptionally beautiful 12- month old Chinese daughter, among many other recent events, is most certainly one of these unanticipated moments. Nothing could have been more unusual for a Canadian from the prairies than to be amongst thousands upon thousands of people, winding carefully through a dense crowd, while being in awe of the scale and historical significance of China’s Great Wall.

It is also just as incredible to be eating delicious pork rind at Chairman Mao’s favorite restaurant in Hunan province (from where our “Spicey girls” are from), to have a pitcher of water poured over the North Face jacket that your trying on (to prove its amazing water-proof qualities) while haggling over its price in Silk Alley, to attempt the death-defying task of crossing a busy street whose vehicles don’t appear to be following any codes of traffic known to the western world; all of this in the singular and beautiful condition of having your new child in your arms.

China’s economic boom, though already known to me through numerous media reports, was nonetheless startling. The density of traffic, the relentless entrepreneurial hussle of its citizens, the countless futuristic structures and the numerous others on their way as suggested by a sea of cranes, makes other cities, even those as famous as New York, seem quaint, historical, and mementos to the past in comparison to Changsha and Beijing, both clearly anticipating a brilliant future. Slowly, as we toured China’s oldest University in Changsha, capital of Hunan (over a thousand years of instruction, enrichment and inspiration and still going strong), and then toured the elaborate, beautiful, and simply staggering collection of structures orchestrated within the Summer Palace and The Forbidden City in Beijing, it became clear to me that what is now happening in China is reflected in its past. This has been, and continues to be, an industrious, artful, and inspired people. What is happening now shouldn’t be a surprise. It isn’t new, it is simply reemerging. It is a continuation of the past,  

Haggling and more haggling. I’m used to looking through the flyers in my mailbox when hoping for a bargain. I didn’t anticipate the necessary energy I had to invest in the process of purchasing. Nor was I prepared for the enormously elevated prices presented as an opener by the vendors and then being handed a calculator giving me an opportunity to present my ridiculously low price. Of course, my skills improved as the days went by. My wife Mary of partial Scottish ancestry with training in drama, won the praise and admiration of several vendors. Although confronted with apparent anger or crocodile tears over her final price, these astounding merchants would generally yield as she would begin to walk away for the very last time. We soon learnt that this was a viewer sport when onlooking vendors in adjacent stalls would cheer in delight and give a thumbs up to Mary as she bagged her item. Needless to say it was great fun. This ancient form of capitalism has a very human element to it.

This morning, now a week after returning home to Saskatoon, I found myself rolling around on my living room carpet amongst cries of glee and laughter from my son Yannick who became part of our family almost three years ago through a similar process in Vietnam, and our little Charlotte from Hunan. I couldn’t help feeling incredibly blessed in the midst of all of this. Although our home, a fifties bungalow, doesn’t resemble the Summer Palace in any way, these children make me as fortunate as any of the Emperors and Empresses that ever lived there.

Almost equally as rewarding was the experience of sharing this process with other families from all over Canada. Through exquisite meals, excruciating parental anxiety, and countless moments where we discuss and share our daily discoveries of China, we developed a bond with other families doing what we are doing. I miss them already. When are we getting together for our first reunion?

Mary & Lorenzo

 Aidan Shirton travelled with Nicole and Douglas Shirton of Beamsville ON. The family received Ellie in Changsha, Hunan province. By his own word, Aidan had a “cool time”.

Day 29.....Alessandra says “mamma”

I am suddenly paralysed yet want to scream. It really hits me, I am a mother.

Twenty months ago, Alessandra was just a dream. Today her black saucer eyes stare into mine and her heavenly scent fills the air...pinch me.

I reflect on our trip of many firsts. For FOI it was their first time traveling with their largest group ever which saw them combining two groups. For us we would be first time parents. Just like adopting Alessandra, China left such an impression on me. It is a country on the cusp of monumental change and the feeling of development and change is in the air. I found myself wondering if the future Olympics was the sole impetus for this or if in fact it was society itself who yearned for a transformation. Changsha and Beijing were a hub of activity. New building was taking place, roadways and transportation systems were being improved. Services were being updated in all areas.

Yulin recounted stories of the China of her day and it felt like I was watching history happen as I witnessed the mesh of the old and new. I could only imagine the complete transformation in years to come.

There is no wonder that Alessandra is so open and friendly. The people that we encountered in China were equally receptive and smiled and offered a greeting. How amazing that people living in large cities in China still have time for the personal. I felt warmth and comfort. After our first week home I already missed the warmth of the people.

Things happen for a reason. I have worn eye glasses since I was a little girl and I have never had them break, in spite of my sometime careless ways. Wouldn’t you know it...my first day in China and I step on my glasses!!!!! “How will I be able to see my daughter ?” I cried!!! There are lessons to be learned in all that we do. As it turns out, it was a blessing that I broke my glasses.  It presented me with the opportunity to spend a chunk of time with Vicky, our guide in Changsha, for her it was her first time working with an FOI group. We took a taxi to an optician who demonstrated a lot of precision in making the necessary repairs. Then the three of us (including dear husband José) had lunch in a wonderful restaurant. What this really did was give us a chance to sit in a place frequented by locals and have a one on one conversation with Vicky. I certainly wanted to know more about the young woman of China today. I got a real sense of her situation in life and her desire for a career and independence. I was grateful for those moments and the food was sooo good. So then, breaking my glasses made me see more clearly the situation around me.

Yes, food in Changsha was spicy and full of depth, just like our daughter. One evening in Beijing the desire to go off the beaten path in search of a unique eating adventure struck. We were  joined  by  Mary  and  Lorenzo,  our  new  friends  and  their  beautiful Charlotte. The six of us wandered a few blocks and stumbled onto a side street and found an interesting restaurant. The food was wonderful and since the night was still young, Lorenzo suggested a walk...and walk we did, right into a dark alley. I was imagining us in an alley in Toronto at night and how unsafe and perhaps a little uneasy I would be feeling. But here, in China, I knew we’d be OK. We motioned to a few people that we were lost and they quickly pointed us in the right direction. Every day I fell more in love with Alessandra … and with her country.

I had sore arms from carrying Alessandra. José thought that I should have a professional massage so I arranged for one at the  Hotel.  Now,  I’ve had lots of massages before but nothing like the  Chinese massage I was about to have. I wished that someone would have warned me and given me the heads up ... you don’t take your clothes off for a Chinese massage as you do for a Swedish one. Yikes, I was standing there naked when the female masseuse laughed at me and said, “You not cold?” She then massaged me through many layers of towels and I was more than a little embarrassed. I swear she was chuckling at me the whole time.

Two weeks in China was not enough. I loved the energy and warmth of the place. (I certainly got a kick out of the entire bargaining experience with the duelling calculators where buying items became an event). But I know that Alessandra will help me to better understand and appreciate the complex and rich culture of an evolving China.

Thank you to FOI and to all the families, especially to the Hunan group.

Hubei

Ten Little Girls in Yellow Dresses

Lee Keener & Sylvia Barton of Prince George, BC traveled to Wuhan, Hubei to receive their daughter Madeleine . Lee wrote this report.

The months of waiting were nearly over. My wife Sylvia and I were finally waiting to check in to Flight 29 to Beijing. We had just seen our first FOI ribbon, the indicator of other kindred spirits, in this case Sue and Tom Jacques and their children. What had seemed unreal for so long was actually unfolding. And soon we were meeting everyone at once, trying to remember names, and sharing the excitement which was exploding. I can hardly recall the flight. Did it drag on or flash by?

Our cohort of twenty-five families, really a double cohort, was the largest that FOI has taken to China. Some couples, like Bill and Lena (with their children Lisa and Hanna) had adopted before. Others, like ourselves, were first-timers. We stayed together for the first night only, at the comfortable Sino-Swiss Hotel near Beijing. The next morning we split into three smaller groups: those going to Hunan, those going to Hubei, and those going to Jiangxi. We were in the Hubei group of ten families. We had expected to meet our babies the following day, but discovered to our surprise and delight that it would happen that same day. Perhaps the term “babies” is not the best one for our children. The children for the families in our group were 17 - 25 months old. At least one family was feeling a little panicky.

The flight to Wuhan, the capital and largest city in Hubei province, was brief and uneventful. We were all focusing on the 3:00 PM visit to the Adoption Registration Office.

The Office was on the fifth floor of a Wuhan hotel. As we entered the building we noticed a group of small children wearing bright yellow and gold dresses bunched together with some adults in the foyer to our left. Could these be our children? Only through great restraint did we manage to reach the fifth floor without a major detour.

After some brief comments by a government official, we arrived at the moment we had dreamed about for more than a year. The forms, the criminal record checks, the photographs - all was forgotten. One by one the children were introduced to their new families. As each child appeared, the noise increased. The children were so frightened and confused and their families were so happy, that wonderful chaos was the only possible result. Our child Madeleine was the last to arrive. At twenty-five months she was also the oldest in our group. Mom held her close and dad took a few hundred pictures. I have experienced many emotional moments in my life. Certainly this was one of the greatest. Every child that we met that day is very special. And every one has her own delightful personality.

The orphanage which FOI had not dealt with before, provided us with packages of food and clothes for our children and gave us gifts, including a photo book of our children’s time at the orphanage. Yulin told us that she had not seen this degree of caring and generosity before. We were most fortunate.

The following days were both challenging and exhilarating. Most or all of the children had been raised in foster families, a practice not always encountered in international adoptions. This was an important positive factor in their emotional development, but also made the adjustment to their new parents and siblings more difficult. Even so, the bonding began almost immediately and by the time we returned to Canada something of a miracle had taken place.

The bonding with our children was not the only bonding that occurred. The families also bonded with each other. As older adopting parents, we were pleased to find that we were not alone but had much in common with Michel and Marlene, and with Tracy and Marv. It must be rare to have a group of ten disparate families from all across a large country get along so well together, to be so supportive, and become so close. Yet this occurred in the Hubei group and also later with the larger group.

The days in China that followed were busy, rich, and magic. Prices were amazingly low, both for shopping and for restaurant meals. We were most fortunate to have in our Wuhan guide, Joanna, a young woman who was compassionate, knowledgeable, and endlessly resourceful. We left her with regret. Yet when we returned to Beijing, Fay and her singing colleagues Liang and Grace were equally professional and kind. We met many wonderful Chinese people who touched our lives in large and small ways. There was the young woman official who wore a uniform and looked imposing, but was very sweet, and who apologized for having to ask us if we had a criminal record. And then there were the orphanage officials who exhibited so much grace and so much class. Or even the comical taxi driver who couldn’t seem to get Sylvia and Gary and me back to our hotel.

But above all there were Yulin and Bob - solving every problem and giving sage advice, while simultaneously orchestrating a most complex logistical process.   The travel and touring arrangements in China could not have been better and were an astonishing bargain. All of our hotels were five-star and deserved to be. And the trips to the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, and many other places were well-organized and lots of fun. There were some pretty ghastly crowds at times; we were there during the very popular Mid-Autumn Festival, a week-long national holiday. Even crossing the street could be unnerving. But none of that seemed to matter.

Yulin and Bob arranged a couple of surprises for us. First we went to see an acrobatic show, something along the lines of Cirque du Soleil, that was exceptionally enjoyable. And then at the banquet on our last evening, we had more entertainment and a fancy cake. Bob was the MC. He was certainly born to the job.

It was quite hard for us to leave China, I think especially because we knew that we would never be together as a group again. While we will attend reunions and see certain families, we will never be able to recreate this special time in our lives. But the joy of continuing our lives, now enriched by another loving human being, is the real point of what we have done, and of what we are.

Lee Keener

Julian’s Journal

Julian Vitale (9) accompanying his mother, Fiorina Calabrese, kept a daily journal of his trip to meet his sister, Jaeden. The following are excerpts from his journal.

Sep 25

Today we got here …. … we went to a nice restaurant. In the restaurant, there was a circle thing in the middle of the table that spins around food and beverages. I never ate anything. …. The cars don’t stop for you in China and that’s where you have to be careful, but the people are nice to you.

Sept 26

On Sunday morning after a buffet breakfast we left Beijing, the capital city of China, to go by plane to Hubei, my little sister’s province. We went to the capital city of the province called Wuhan. We stayed at the White Rose Hotel. As a real pleasant surprise, we got to meet Jaeden for the first time. She put her arms out to my mom right away without crying. That evening, my zia, my mom, Jaeden and myself tried to be brave and ventured out on the streets on our own. There were crowds of people on the streets. It was very difficult to cross the streets. The cars were coming at us from all sides. You had to follow the crowd to cross the street. If there was no crowd, we wanted to wait for one. All the people were looking at us strangely and wanting to touch us. People always wanted to take pictures of me because they were surprised to see a blond kid.

Sep 29

This week in China the Chinese people celebrate the Autumn Festival which is like our Thanksgiving. It is a reunion of the family festival. We have turkey, but they have Moon Cake, which is a desert. That day, the whole group went to the Wuhan Museum and it was a beautiful sight. …

That evening we finally got to KFC where I got my spicy popcorn chicken, and where my mom got her moon cake.

Oct 1

Today, October 1 is China’s National Holiday. Fifty-five years ago, Chairman Mao proclaimed the People’s Republic of China. It was a big celebration in China. …. There are a lot of people riding bicycles. However, our guide told us that after SARS last year, many people bought personal cars. Today, the group went to the Summer Palace. It is a palace … where emperors used to live.

Oct 5

Today we had  .... to go to the Medical Clinic. I had four chocolates and I wanted to have more but my mom didn’t let me. I acted like I was full of coffee. We stayed about 30 min then went to the Silk Alley. There was just people selling things on both sides. You couldn’t imagine how much bargaining we did. The worst price was when my zia wanted to buy 2 not that nice pairs of shoes which were 800 Rmb [Yuan] for both but she got them down to 110 Rmb – 1 pair.

Oct 7

Today we went to a toy store. It was at least four floors tall. We bought five barbies for my friends. After that my mom forced me to eat at McDonalds. It was very cheap. At 6:00 we went to a magic show at a restaurant but first we ate dinner. Then we went to an acrobatic show. It was Great!!!

Julian Vitale

Caithlan (13) accompanied her parents, Cathy & David Graham, of Wiarton, ON to China to meet her new sister Georgia. Caitlan offered us her perspective of the trip.

Throughout the years my family talked about adopting a child. We never  took action until December of 2002 when we finally decided to adopt internationally. My parents sent out questions to several different adoption agencies and researched for information over the internet. Family Outreach International always responded quickly and thoroughly to their requests. Bob and Yulin offered seminars which we attended and eventually we applied to adopt a child from China.  Our choice of agency was brilliant!

This September my mom, my dad and I flew across the ocean with 25 other families to pick up my little sister.  I had never been on a plane before. The furthest I had ever traveled was to the United States. Now I was about to board a plane that 11 hours later would have taken me to the other side of the world.. Boarding  the plane didn’t feel real until I was  buckling  my seat belt. Getting Georgia didn’t seem real until I saw her sitting on a couch in the hotel  lobby among a bunch of other little girls.

Everything during the trip was completely organized.  Every-thing was first class and we had nothing to worry about.  We were able to put all our energy  into bonding with our baby. Yulin and Bob were amazing hosts. The food was wonderful. The sights were unforgettable.  I am so thankful that I was  able  to  see  and  experience  so  many famous landmarks in China and that when we grow older Georgia and I will have the memories of The Great Wall and the Forbidden City, the Beijing zoo and its panda pit, the Acrobatic Theater and Silk Alley China  will be a part of me forever, but the souvenir we brought back was the best part of the entire trip.

Now that we are back home Georgia is beautiful and healthy and my best friend. She isn’t a bit shy or scared of anyone or anything. She deals amazingly with the throngs of people in our community who have taken such a interest in her and she fully enjoys being the center of attention. Losing my brother Peter two years ago was the hardest and the most painful experience I will ever live through.

Geogia has given my family a reason to live again and to look to the future.She has brought light and  laughter  back  into  our  homethat has been quiet for so long. People often say that we are doing such a good thing for this little girl, but she is doing more for us than we could ever imagine doing for her. My little sister is an angel sent by God to our home.

Caithlan

Jiangxi

 Three families travelled to Nanchang, Jiangxi province to adopt children from the Waiting Child program. The three families met the Hunan and Hubei families later in Beijing.

The three children, Fumaria, Jack and Laura, are now at home in Amherst, NS, Moncton, NB and Markham, ON.

Jill McBeath of Moncton tells the story of meeting Jack’s foster mother.

Jack’s Two Moms

Today is Sept 26, 2004 and Warren, Mitchell, (age 7) and I are in Nanchang, Jiangxi, ready to go pick up the newest member of the McBeath family: Jack Zhi Qiao McBeath (age 3). I have to admit, I don’t really remember the 4 long flights that brought us from Moncton, NB, to Nanchang because of the excitement, adrenalin and lack of sleep that was going through my body.

It is now 4 pm and we have arrived at the Nanchang Civil Affairs Building to pick up Jack. Mitchell is carrying a large stuffed dog and a John Deere toy tractor to give to Jack and Warren is walking behind us to videotape our once in a lifetime event. As we walk up the stairs, we can feel the humidity that is present in the old building and are met with the sound of crying babies as we reach the top of the  stairs.  As I  turn  the corner,  I see nannies and mothers holding crying baby girls, but then, the most beautiful site catches my eye: Sitting on a wooden bench with a stoic look in his eyes is our Jack. I immediately approach him and say “hello”, and hold his sweaty little hand. He is scared. He is not interested in the stuffed dog or toy tractor that Mitchell offers, but he is interested in us. I pick him up and hold him close. He is finally ours.

Now…I must tell you about Jack. He is 3 years old and was in the Waiting Child Program because of his cleft lip and palate. Jack had his surgery when he was 6 months old and to look at him today, you would never know he had a repaired cleft lip and palate. Jack was in foster care since the age of 3 months and remained with the same family (foster mom, foster dad, and foster teen aged son) until the day he became ours. We found out about Jack in February and since that time we have sent him 2 care packages that included a photo album of our family, toy cars and clothes and a disposable camera. We so desperately wanted to meet Jack’s foster family during our trip, but we were told “no” by the SWI director when we picked Jack up. We decided not to pursue the issue, and had given up hope of meeting Jack’s foster family.

For the next couple of days, we toured around a hot, humid, smoggy Nanchang and did a bit of shopping and Jack really was adjusting well to our family. He loved to play with Mitchell and his Lego and he loved going for walks in his stroller. He never cried and was so happy and content to be part of our family. We were sort of waiting for this “honeymoon” period to end as Jack’s behavior almost seemed too good to be true…we were expecting the other shoe to drop, but to this day he remains just a happy, loving three year old boy.

However, on Sept 26 at approximately 2pm I got the surprise of a lifetime as we returned to our Nanchang Hotel. The 4 of us walked into the Hotel lobby and a wo-man grabbed me gently by the arm, and while patting her chest with one hand and holding a photo of our family with the other, she stated over and over….”Me…Mama”… Me Mama”. I recognized the photo she was holding of Warren, Mitchell and myself as being one of the photo’s that we had given to Jack in a photo album months before. I recognized her immediately from the photo’s we received of her and Jack several months ago that Yulin and Bob so graciously took for us. Jack’s foster mother (I never did get her name!) and I hugged and kissed each other and the tears started flowing from both of us. Jack went into her arms immediately and it was apparent as to how much this women really loved him, and he loved her. Warren quickly got out the video camera and captured this wonderful meeting on tape. Our guide Mary was with us and was able to translate what Jack’s foster mother was saying. She explained how she has had Jack since 3 months of age, and that she was with him for his surgery and that he attended pre-school 4 days a week. We were able to find out from her Jack’s likes and dislikes and it was wonderful hearing her stories about Jack. While still holding onto Jack, she gave us a photo album that she  had  prepared  for  us that included photos of Jack from 3 months of age until present. On the back of the first picture was her address and phone number. She also gave us a 20 page, handwritten Journal telling us all about Jack. Each page was dated and began about 6 months before our adoption, and every page had either a photo of Jack or a colorful drawing done by herself or Jack. She also gave us back our disposable camera that we had sent her as well as a bag full of goodies like little moon cakes and candies. (We developed the film back in Canada and on it were shots of Jack with his foster family, him playing at day care and a photo of the foster family’s address and phone number so that we can keep in touch) When it was time to go, she placed Jack back in my arms, gave him a kiss and pointed at me and told Jack “Mama”. We all tearfully said our thank you's and good-byes and she was on her way. Other than the actual adoption itself, that 20 minute encounter was the highlight of our trip!

I don’t think Jack realizes how very lucky he is to have two families who really love and adore him. I cannot thank Jack’s foster family enough for giving Jack the love and support he needed for 3 years and for preparing him for our family.

She had obviously shown him our photos and explained to him who we were because he has accepted us, as we him, without any problems  or  hesitation.  He adores his his big brother Mitchell and wants to do everything with him. Mitchell is happy because he is finally the “boss” of someone….. so he thinks. I can’t tell you the joy Warren and I feel watching our two boys play happily (well most of the time!) together.

We will definitely be keeping in touch with Jack’s foster family and we feel so honored and fortunate to have met them. It will be so beneficial to Jack as he grows older to have that connection to his roots, and to have tangible items like the journal, photos and videotapes of his foster family!

On my final note: If you are planning on adopting a child, please consider a child from the Waiting Child Program as they truly are amazing, wonderful, loving children whose minor needs have already been corrected or can be corrected.

Jill, Warren, Mitchell and Jack McBeath
Moncton, NB